I'm writing this post primarily to myself. It's not pointing fingers at anyone other than me, and anyone who might wear this same shoe (you know, if the shoe fits, wear it) may get a little something as a result. For me, it's a reminder, of sorts. Over the years I've hated change, and much preferred being in my own little comfort zone. I would venture to say that I'm not alone, but it's a pattern I don't want to keep repeating. And possibly, others feel the same way.

Sometimes people go through life never taking chances, never pulling out the stops. Fear is the great defeater of dreams and destiny. It can rob us of a joy and exhilaration that comes from doing what we thought impossible. While change and risk taking can be scary, to never change or take a risk can be stifling and will lead to a dull, boring existence that is often times filled with regrets. But stepping out and taking that chance could end up being the most amazing experience.

Shifting blame can keep us safe in our comfort zone. You know what I'm talking about, "I couldn't do it because..." You fill in your own blank. In some cases, there may be valid reasons, but many times it's just another excuse. But if we want to live the lives that God wants for us, we have to be open to change. We have to be risk takers. I think about all the men and women in the Bible who had to do things that required them to take a leap of faith. They had to make drastic changes in their lives in order to fulfill God's plan. Look at Moses, for example. He was living in a palace. And the next thing you know, he's leading God's people out of captivity. Talk about a radical change. And what about disciples who dropped everything to follow Jesus? And then there's Abraham. He left the family he knew in order to have descendents as numerous as the stars. At the time of his leaving that probably seemed pretty preposterous. All of these people had to step far from their comfort zone.This causes me to think that God likes taking us into places we might fear to tread. It requires faith. When we place our trust in Him, and follow the leading of the Spirit, we can be certain that no matter what happens, it's all a part of the plan. We may not always see it immediately, but rest assured it will become evident.

Years ago I felt I needed to leave a church I was at. I loved the people and had been there for many years. But because of personal reasons, I felt I couldn't stay there. Even knowing in my head that I needed to leave didn't give me that assurance that it was the right decision. I fought it for about a year. I had always been comfortable there, but at that point my comfort had changed to discomfort. I really believe that was God nudging me to get me to act. One day while I was on a retreat with some teens I spent some alone time with God. As I was praying, I felt such a peace about leaving. So I did. I didn't really have any idea where I was headed to in the beginning. After much prayer and searching I found a church I felt compelled to stay at so I planted roots. About six months into it, all the reasons why I needed to be at the new church began to unfold. I took in two boys and I would need some of the people there to help me through one of the most difficult journeys of my life. I know that God surrounded me with all the right people for that time in my life. It took me leaving the comfort zone and stepping into the unfamiliar. It required me to trust people I didn't really know that well. And in the long run, it caused me to deal with some issues I had buried long before.

By nature, I am usually a shy person when I first meet people. I feel uncomfortable. It takes me a while to drop my guard and let them into my inner circle, so to speak. Even something as simple as a "greet your neighbor" handshake at church is a major ordeal for me. I've forced myself to do it, but it's not always comfortable. It kind of reminds me of that ice bucket challenge. You just have to try to prepare yourself as best you can and do it quickly. There are times when I don't feel as uncomfortable. That's usually when I see someone who feels even more awkward than me. Especially if it's a young person. Those outcast teens who many people seem to avoid are the ones I feel drawn to most. Probably because I was always the outcast when I was young. Anyway, the point is, being an introvert can be difficult when you are wanting to step out of your comfort zone. But with God's help it can be done.

I sing on a praise team. Someone asked me how I got over stage fright. Ha! The real answer is, "I never have." I just have to dive in and do it.I can remember those first days being on a praise team. I felt so awkward. I am also an easily distracted person, so when anyone in the congregation made a move, oh my....I had to fight to regain focus. When I am asked to sing solo, I like to be majorly prepared before I do it. I'm not really a spur of the moment person unless I know the song well or God leads me to sing something (which has happened a few times over the years...I may share some of that later). But it reminds me of how those in ministry have to be. Not just in the singing aspect, but in all aspects. We have to be ready in season and out of season. I know that this isn't necessarily the context, but it still holds true. A person doesn't pick up an instrument one day and begin a huge solo career. They put in hours and hours of practice, learning songs, improving their craft long before that happens. And we have to be like that when it comes to the Word of God. We have to be feeding on the Word so that when the time comes we will be ready. It's not always our idea of fun. But the sacrifice of our time will pay off in the long run (and the more time we spend in the Word, the more fun it becomes). So what does this have to do with our comfort zone? I am of the belief that, when you feel a confidence about something, you are more willing to step out when the call comes to act. I mentioned leaving a church earlier. I had spent a lot of time in prayer and in the Word before I could be certain that what I heard was from God. In the beginning (when I fought leaving for a year), I felt that my leaving would be acting on emotion. That's where the challenge came in. And I think God allowed me to stay so that my heart would be right before I made the decision to leave. Our emotions can trick us into thinking something is of God when it may not be. And we have to be cautious about stepping out of our comfort zone into something that is emotionally fueled, not God inspired. Emotions fade. The dreams and plans that God places within you don't fade. You can try to run, but it's always there. And peace is found in doing what God inspires. If we act from pure emotion, chances are, we'll be feeling pretty miserable somewhere along the way. That's not to say we can't be doing things while waiting for a specific call to be fulfilled. Helping others is never a bad thing. And things we do in the waiting can be valuable learning tools for what's to come later.

I think I got a little off track, but hopefully you understood the point. So, that being said, remember this: As you wait to know your calling (which will most likely require you to step out of your comfort zone), be practicing, preparing, praying, serving others, and be in the Word.It will help you immensely.

Who Am I?

I was reading through some old posts on my other blog and read this one that was posted in December 2012. I thought I'd repost it.

Who Am I?

I was listening to Kim Walker speaking and she said something that struck a nerve with me. It's kind of what I've been feeling lately. She said that when the singing (the only thing she knew she was good at) was stripped away, she had to ask herself, "Who am I?" I've been in this season of "not singing" for the past 6 months and I too have to ask myself, "Who am I?" I feel like I've drifted somewhat. Don't get me wrong, I love God. I pray. I read the Bible. I listen to preachers and teachers. But it almost seems as if the passion has dwindled. And that shouldn't be. Perhaps I've allowed the busyness of life and the cares of this world to invade my heart more than the love of the God. Did I rely too much on singing to give me passion when my passion should be about God? Maybe this place is exactly where God wants me right now. Maybe it's what I needed to remind me that I need to spend this time seeking to know Him more, to love on Him and to allow His love to embrace me. When you have to lay down that thing that you have held dear for so long, that thing that perhaps has taken the top spot in your life, you discover that it's not about that. Singing to worship God is good, but if I never sang another note, I have to know that I would still love God, still worship Him. So on this day, I surrender any idol to God. I want God more than I want to sing. I want God more than I want to write. All I want is to know Him more and more intimately with each passing day. And out of that overflow, let the praises ring, whether in song, in dance, in writing, in ministering to and serving others, etc. "Set a fire down in my soul...that I can't contain, that I can't control...I want more of You, God...I want more of You." That is my heart's cry.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

More than once in my life I've been in this place. And guess what....each time I had to be willing to lay something down before God allowed me to pick it back up. I'm not sure exactly how long I went without singing on a praise team. All I know is, it was a season of learning again that worship is not about the songs. It's all well and good that we sing praise to God with our lips, but our praise must be in our hearts. I am drawn to the verses in Amos 5:21-24, which say:

“I hate, I despise your religious festivals; your assemblies are a stench to me. Even though you bring me burnt offerings and grain offerings I will not accept them. Though you bring choice fellowship offerings, I will have no regard for them. Away with the noise of your songs! I will not listen to the music of your harps. But let justice roll on like a river, righteousness like a never-failing stream!"

God isn't interested in rituals. And you know, sometimes our singing praise can become just that if we aren't careful. We fall into the same old routine week in and week out. And we expect God to work the same if we follow some formula or pattern. I have to say though, some of the most touching worship I've ever been a part of was when there were no fancy musicians, no fabulous singers. But you know what was present? Lots of people with a heart to worship; people with a love for others, and a willingness to serve wherever they were needed. Hmm....another reminder to myself.

I don't want to assume that, because I sing on a praise team and lift my hands to God, that I am worshiping. I have to know that my heart toward God is to live that pure and holy life before him, following His commands.

Last night I was thinking about how maturity can change a perspective. When I was young, I had a very low self esteem. I won't get into all the whys, but I will say that I cared far too much what others thought about me. Well, I say I cared too much, but I suppose I didn't care enough to give in to their foolishness. And that made them only tease me more. I struggled with depression (not just because of the teasing). By the age of 15 I considered killing myself. I think the one thing that prevented me from doing that was my fear of going to hell. Back in those days any hellfire and brimstone preacher would be sure to tell you that you'd go to hell for that. And it scared me. I don't necessarily believe that is true today, though I am sure God wouldn't want anyone killing themselves. But mental illness and some forms of depression are not always something a person can control. They try putting you on medications and many times the thing that is supposed to help you only makes it worse. So what is the point of me saying all this? I just want people to understand that, whether Robin Williams was an addict or not (as some like to point out), it  doesn't mean he didn't have a real issue with depression. Perhaps he was medicated for it, but I'm not sure. I do know that sometimes depressed people attempt to alleviate symptoms with alcohol or drugs. That doesn't make his death any less a tragedy. I hate that he felt depressed enough to end his life. I hate that his family are left hurting. We will never know what was going on in his mind, or if his mind was affected by medications. What we do know is, a man who was loved by many has died.

http://www.firstcoastnews.com/story/news/health/2014/08/12/suicide-risk-robin-williams/13939897/