While He Still Knows Who I Am

As I listen to this song I am reminded of my Daddy. For the past 3 1/2 years I spent a lot of time with him. He had Alzheimer's. I would go sit with him on Thursdays, and go to every doctor appointment with him. I watched the gradual decline. I remember telling some of the family that they needed to come see him while he still knew who they were. Some came, but others weren't able to. And now he's gone and they will never have that opportunity again. That's not to say they could help it. Sometimes distance, obligations, and your own health prevent you from doing what you want to do. So this isn't a judgment against anyone. But it is a reminder for those who have family and friends suffering from this terrible disease...if you are able, go see them while they can still remember who you are. There will come a day when they may forget you. Fortunately for me, Daddy never forgot who I was. But he forgot other people or confused them with someone else. Often times he would think my step brother Curtis was his brother Bobby. Not everyday, but on occasion. Curtis lived in the house with him. So it wasn't just a matter of seeing you all the time that made him remember. It's just how the brain worked on that particular day. Daddy hated the confusion he felt at times. He would tell doctors to ask me or my step sister for the answers to their questions. He knew that he trusted us. He just didn't understand what was going on. I really HATE Alzheimer's. It's a cruel disease.

Today is the day that we celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. He is the most precious gift that anyone could ever receive. But so often we get tied up in the materialism of the season and forget what it's supposed to be about. As I was out shopping I saw people buying all the latest gadgets. When you asked the kids what they wanted, it generally revolved around some new technology. Even little kids are wanting cell phones. Mostly they want to play games on the phone. Technology is kind of a two edged sword. On one side, it is good. I mean, I love being able to connect with people around the world. But then some use it for bad. Anyway, that's not really the point of my blog. I just think we get too focused on what gifts we'll get and forget about the reason we celebrate.

You know, Jesus came to serve, not to be served. He was a giver. And he loved giving. But he always looked beneath the surface of what a person thought they needed. He would meet a tangible need while addressing the spiritual. The woman caught in adultery was about to be stoned. She needed rescuing. He didn't condemn, but rather, extended compassion and mercy. You see, condemnation offers no hope. But here was Jesus offering hope. She may have thought her only need was to be saved from death, but Jesus offered salvation of another kind through his forgiveness. Can you imagine how she must have felt when all of her accusers walked away? Can you imagine that feeling of gratitude? Each and every day I am amazed at the forgiveness God offers. I mess up. I miss the mark. But his mercies are new every morning. And he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins when we come to him and repent. There are so many religions out there that require you to DO something in order to make it to heaven. I've often questioned, "Why would I want to work my butt off to 'try' to make it to heaven?" I mean, think about it....all that work and no guarantee? But with Jesus, I don't have to work to earn a place in heaven. The only work necessary was the work accomplished on the cross. Yes! Thank you, Jesus!

Let your love be my companion

In the war against my pride

Long to break all vain obsession

Till you're all that I desire

At the beginning of this song, he speaks about the the fight to humble ourselves and not think too highly about ourselves. This got me thinking about how over the years I've always stressed about what others might think of me. I'm a little better now that I'm older, but I still struggle with it at times. But you know, even that is thinking more highly of myself than I ought. It's not like people sit around thinking about me all the time. Pride can can come in a vast array of packages and sometimes we may not recognize it as pride at first. So what exactly is pride? There are a variety of definitions for the word, so I'm going to focus on a few: 

arrogance

haughtiness

presumption

exaltation

elevation

feeling you are more important or better than other people

inordinate self esteem: conceit

self regard

Pride likes us to exalt ourselves and to make us think we are better than others; that our wants, needs, and desires are more important than theirs. This is truly in opposition to what God's Word teaches us. In Philippians 2:3-4 it says:

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others."

Wow...looking to the interests of others before we look out for ourselves? But what about that "looking out for number one" statement we always hear? Well, apparently that's not how God sees things. Does that mean we aren't to take care of ourselves at all? No, it doesn't mean that. We're going to work, to pay our bills, etc. But in doing those things we can't forget that others have needs as well. Think about the widow of Zarephath and her son, 1 Kings 17:10-13 says this:

"So he set out and went to Zarephath. When he came to the gate of the town, a widow was there gathering sticks; he called to her and said, 'Bring me a little water in a vessel, so that I may drink.' As she was going to bring it, he called to her and said, 'Bring me a morsel of bread in your hand.' But she said, 'As the LORD your God lives, I have nothing baked, only a handful of meal in a jar, and a little oil in a jug; I am now gathering a couple of sticks, so that I may go home and prepare it for myself and my son, that we may eat it, and die.' Elijah said to her, 'Do not be afraid; go and do as you have said; but first make me a little cake of it and bring it to me, and afterwards make something for yourself and your son. For thus says the LORD the God of Israel: The jar of meal will not fail until the day that the LORD sends rain on the earth.' She went and did as Elijah said, so that she as well as he and her household ate for many days. The jar of meal was not emptied, neither did the jug of oil fail, according to the word of the LORD that he spoke by Elijah."

Now, she could have said she didn't have enough to share. But she didn't do that. She had been given a word and she shared what she had with Elijah even in her fear. But God has a way of blessing us when we bless others, when we think of their needs, and especially if He specifically gave us a word to do something. Still, this took a step of faith.  And she had to lay down her pride. Okay, you're wondering how this relates to pride? Typically, that looking out for number one, that placing self above others would have kicked in and demanded you keep it all for yourself or you'd die. So right there, it shows me that before we can act in faith, we have to lay down pride. 

Now let's take a look at Romans 12:1-3:

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you."

Okay, all my Christian life, I've heard people talk about those first two verses in Romans. And many times people are so consumed with the fact that we are to offer ourselves as sacrifices to God because that's a form of worship that they forget the other part that follows. In our submission to God, in our transforming of our mind (or the Word transforming it for us), we will come to realize that we are not all that. And in the verses that follow this (that I haven't posted) it talks about us being one body, and how everyone of us plays a part. This got me thinking about how men tend to exalt one calling over another. A pastor isn't any better than the person whose cleaning the toilets for the church. His position is an act of service to Christ and to the body just like the janitor's is. Jesus himself said that whoever wanted to be first would be last. Humility and considering others before ourselves is highly pleasing to God. But let me say this, never put another person on a pedestal. I admire pastors and worship leaders and such, but I can't think that they are perfect and that they will never mess up. I can't think that they have all the answers. That would be exalting them to the position that only God should hold. 

So what about presumption? How does that play into this whole pride thing? When I hear the word I immediately think of someone being presumed innocent until proven guilty. You know, the legal usage of the word. But how many times have we presumed something about the word that wasn't actually true? I've had people vehemently preach scripture to me, almost demanding that their interpretation was truth and basically refusing to listen to instruction or another interpretation from anyone else. It was like their mind was set that they couldn't possibly be wrong. That's pretty dangerous ground. When you think that you are beyond the need for instruction or correction, you're presuming you have all the answers and that no one knows more than you. It kind of borders with arrogance. 

It is my thinking that pride is the opposite of humility. Pride exalts. Humility brings low. Jesus was the prefect example of humility. Philippians 2:5-8 tells us:

"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death-- even death on a cross!"

Whew! There is so much more to be said about pride versus humility. And so many of the lyrics to this song that I didn't touch on. For now, I'm going to stop. 

Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the water
Wherever you would call me
Take me deeper than my feet can ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

Whenever I hear these words I think this is more than just a song about taking you to some other land. Oh sure, it could be that people will like it because it reminds them to go into all the world, that God is calling them out of their comfort zone, beyond the borders of their own land. But I think it's much more complex than that. I think it's a reminder to trust God in all things. To trust Him wherever this journey leads, whether to a foreign land or through some major trial or even just doing something He asks. Sometimes we go through some pretty scary stuff in this life. It is generally in the times of the most intense trials that we begin to question God. But you know, even in the questions, we can trust Him. We may not understand, but we can obey when He is leading us to somewhere we may find uncomfortable. Maybe it's something as simple as stepping out in a ministry that we find challenging. I know that when I first sang in front of people it was quite frightening. It would have been so easy to just avoid it, but I felt that it was something God wanted me to do. There are still times when I feel those butterflies in my stomach, when my mouth gets dry from the nerves, but I press on. And then there is my most recent call...a call to be there for my Dad. It was quite a challenge for me to step back into his life when he had hurt me so deeply and had basically abandoned me as a child. But he was in need. And as a believer, I had to forgive him. Even though I had said I forgave him long ago, I was called to not only say the words, but to show him through my actions. Was it easy? Not always. But you know, it definitely made my faith stronger. It gave me a compassion for my Dad that I didn't think possible. It gave me a strength I could not have attained without God's help.

It's been said, "if it's God's will, it will be done." It's so much easier to just trust and obey from the onset. That's not to say that you will always feel like it is easier. There may be times you feel like giving up. But if you can just cling a little longer, God will see you through it. And you will come out on the other side with a whole new perspective on things and a deeper trust than you ever felt possible.

RIP Joseph M. Jackson

Joseph M. Jackson, 79, of Maxville, Florida died peacefully on Sunday, December 1, 2013 in Jacksonville, Florida.

He was born November 24, 1934 to Robert M. & Dorothy Jackson in Jacksonville, Florida. He served in the United States Marine Corps and was a veteran of the Korean War. He held many positions over the years, but eventually retired from Flowers Bakery.  He loved to play guitar and sing.

He is survived by his 3 children, Karen Jackson, Janice Peterson (Gerald), and Richard Jackson (Elaine),  4 step children, Curtis Walker, Jimmy Walker, Cindy Salmons (Chris), and Joanie Ashton (Alan), 3 sisters, Essie Bias, Annette Jackson Hendrix (Ralph), and Patricia Jaggers (Robert), 1 brother, Thomas Jackson (Barbara),  12 grandchildren and  20 great-grandchildren, and several nieces and nephews. 

He is predeceased by his wife, Evelyn Lucille Jackson, his step daughter, Sandra Walker, his 3 brothers, Robert C. Jackson, David Jackson, and John M. Jackson, his sister, Etta Marie Hatcher, and his parents, Robert M. Jackson and Dorothy Ida Woods. 

**This is not going to be well written...just rambling about stuff as it comes to mind.**

On Sunday, December 1, 2013 at approximately 9:30 a.m. my father departed this life. I knew that this was where it was headed, but I don't think one can ever be fully prepared for the loss of someone they love. He was in Hospice at St. Vincent's Hospital at the time of his death. After much discussion with doctors and family we felt this was the best option for him. He had no chance of a recovery, short of a miraculous intervention. On the night before his death the family had been notified that if they wanted to see him they should come then. And many of them did come. They stood around his bedside declaring their love for him. They reminisced about their lives with him, laughing at times, crying at other times. I was there, but stood back and allowed them their time. I had been with my Dad every week since his wife passed in June of 2010. He had Alzheimer's. I went to all of his doctor appointments. I spent time with him at his home. I made sure he knew I loved him long before this night came. I can recall one day when I was over at his house and getting him to go take a nap, I told him I loved him. He looked up to me, patted my hand and said, "I know you do. I'm glad you're here." One would have to know the details of my life and his to know how significant that moment was.

On the day of Daddy's funeral my Aunt Annette said a few words about him. But so much was left unsaid. I mean, how do you tell a person's life in just a few short words? So many thoughts and feelings flood through my brain. "I should have said this" pops into my head over and over. So let me just say a few words about Joseph M. Jackson. They will in no way express the totality of who he was, but they are just a few thoughts.

Joe Jackson was a man I loved and admired. I wanted nothing from him except his love and approval. Everything I did revolved around that. As children, my sister and I would often say we were going to marry him or my Uncle Mickey. Both of them were handsome, strong men. Daddy was a man of few words, but when he spoke, you listened. He didn't have to raise his voice to get you to do something. He had an authority about him that demanded you listen and then act. Daddy loved to sing and play guitar. I recall him singing, "Little Red Wagon, King of the Road, Smoke that Cigarette" and other songs. He dreamed of being in a band. Oh, he said he tried when he was younger, but it didn't work out. Even though he didn't see me often, he loved that I sang. I think in some ways the reason I loved music and singing so much was because when I did sing that focused his attention on me. Daddy was an intelligent man. He was a leader among men. Some called him supervisor, boss, manager, whatever....but it all boils down to his ability to lead people.

We had horses when I was young and he would ride with his friend to the Bit and Spur and they'd barrel race. He loved horses. When we had to get rid of the horses, he got a red Mustang (car). I think that's kind of ironic.
I can remember him and his friend pretending to have a shootout in our front yard. Horses and guns go together, you know. Guess in some ways he wanted to be a cowboy.  Daddy could be redneck when the situation called for it, but having served in the Marines, I think some of that was tempered. He had an odd sense of humor. Maybe that's where I get mine from. I can remember going to Ocala with him, his wife, her kids, and me, my brother and sister. My step mother had tried to make me eat oatmeal and I refused. So I was sent to the bedroom for punishment. They went off, and me being the rebel child decided to go outside anyway. Some punks from the area came around taunting us. They threw a bottle and it hit my thumb and cut it. When my dad returned the stepsisters ran out telling him I had been cut by a bottle they threw at me. Well, that angered my dad and he took off down the road to hunt them down. He called the Sheriff to come to the house. Well, daddy comes back to the cabin and asks to see my thumb (before the Sheriff had arrived). When I showed him (it was a very small cut) he looked at me and said, "You know what I'm going to have to do, don't you?" I said, "No sir." With a most serious expression on his face he responded, "I'm going to have to cut your thumb." I stood there for what seemed an eternity and then said, "Okay." He started laughing so hard and then grabbed me and hugged me and told me he would never do that. He was just kidding. My dad worked at the Florida Times Union for a while and I can remember him taking me to work with him. My step sister went along. We went into the restroom (which was for men and women) and she thought the men's urinal was a sink and washed her hands in it. Well, as soon as we got out to my dad I had to tell everyone that she washed her hands in the toilet. Daddy scolded me as he snickered about it. We both knew that he thought that was funny. He had many funny little sayings too.

Daddy was man who could do a lot of things well. If he didn't know how to do something he'd learn it. He built my mama's house, and later he built a house for him and his new wife. He was very handy with machinery. He worked designing tools. He later worked doing maintenance at Flowers Bakery (he retired from there). He loved to keep his yard neat and at one point had a lawn service.

Looking back over my life, I have very few memories of him in comparison to other people. But I cherish those that I do have. And I am glad that I had the opportunity to be with him for the last 3 years of his life. There is nothing more humbling than having to serve someone who didn't always do right by you. But in those times spent caring for him, I developed a deep compassion for him. I hated watching this terrible disease destroy the man he had been. I hatred that he was suffering. If anyone thought the decision to put him in hospice was the wrong one, it doesn't matter. I know in my heart that I did the right thing by signing those papers.

That day before they moved Daddy to hospice, me and my sister stood by his bedside and sang "Go Rest High" and "Suppertime." I knew we would use those songs at his funeral, but we wanted him to hear them. And we wanted him to know that we were okay if he was ready to go on home. His time on earth was over and he had our permission to leave. On the day of his departure, me, my brother and sister were the last 3 to see him alive, which is as it should be. I think God arranged that. My brother had to leave, and things grew quiet in the room. I've often heard that people wait until they think they're alone to die. And I think Daddy thought he was alone. I wasn't looking at him and there was no significant change to alert me to look at him, but all of a sudden I had an odd feeling come over me (one I can't explain) and I bolted out of my chair and placed my hand on his chest. He was still warm, but there was no breath. I don't know what other people believe, but I think his spirit leaving his body brushed past me and I sensed it. There's no other explanation...I told my sister, the last two people he laid eyes on were me and her as he looked down. The last 4 people to see him alive were Jacksons. I know people don't understand why that is so significant, but it truly is. It really is God's gift to my family. And for that I'm grateful.

But If Not

This is something I posted on another blog last year, but I was reading it today and felt like sharing it again. 

If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and He will rescue us from your hand, O King. But even if He does not, we want you to know, O King, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up. Daniel 3:17-18

Have you ever felt like you were trapped in a situation where you had to make a choice...God's way or the world's way? Was the pressure to compromise so intense that the easiest thing to do would be to conform? In this story, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were going to face certain death in a fiery furnace if they didn't submit to the King's wishes. Even though they knew God was more than capable of delivering them if He chose to, they made it perfectly clear that even if He didn't they still would not bow. Their loyalty to God wasn't determined by whether He would or wouldn't do something for them.

Many times people face trials and circumstances where they pray diligently for healing, deliverance or some other need. They may even make rash vows to God, offering to serve Him if He would do as they were asking. The thing is, God is not prone to accept bribes. He is moved by faith. Now He can offer compassion or extend mercy, but He is not obligated to do what we say or want. So basically, our devotion to Him should remain stable even in the most troubling times. God has a plan in all things even when we don't see it.

Have you ever heard the saying, "hindsight is 20/20?" Most times people who say this are referring to seeing clearly the things they should have done in the past. But think about this...sometimes we want things to work out a certain way, and God doesn't allow it for whatever reason. Later in life we may be able to look back and see where God's hand was at work. He was working things together for our good. Oh I know it may be hard to see God at work in the midst of the chaos. But we can trust that He is. And He will never leave us nor forsake us no matter how bleak things may appear.

A pastor once said that you can't minister from the dregs. Now, you may be wondering, "What on earth does that mean?"Let me put it in simpler terms. But before I get into that, let me remind you that this is not just a message for pastors, teachers, evangelists, worship leaders, etc. Every person who is born again is called to be a minister of the gospel. So this applies to each of us. That being said, let me break this down.

Imagine a friend calls you up and tells you they've run out of gas and they want you to bring them some. And suppose you think, "I have some gas in the can that's in my car, I'll take that to her." So you take it to her and when you get there she expresses gratitude. That is, until she goes to pour the gas in her car and finds that the can is nearly empty. There is only a small amount, not enough to do much good. This is what it's like when we attempt to minister to someone from the dregs. We haven't spent time in the word, in prayer, in worship, and in the presence of God. We haven't filled the tank.We're running on the fumes of yesterday's intake. Oh, we have some knowledge of the word. We know all the so called right things to say. But something is lacking. We are scraping the bottom of the barrel, and that takes a huge toll on us and makes us less effective as ministers.

When you go to the gas station to fill up your car there are usually signs that say not to top it off. But as believers we need to not only top it off, but to be filled to overflowing. It is then that we can minister from that overflow without feeling drained ourselves.

Over the years I have had seasons where I wasn't as "overflowing" as I should have been. So when someone came to me in need of something, I had very little to offer. It made me feel bad because I want to help others. But I realize that, in and of myself, I am not much use to anyone. My flesh likes to advise based on what the world would do. But it's not my flesh that needs to be ministering to others. It's the Spirit of God living on the inside of me. And this is why it is vitally important to spend that intimate time with God. In order to know His heart, we must study the word. We must spend time in prayer, not just asking for things, but listening to the voice of God and His leading.

As always, when I write something it is generally what God is speaking to me. It doesn't mean I've always mastered it. I still have times where I allow busyness to rob me of time with God. But that needs to change. I don't want to look back over my life and think that I missed out on helping others because I didn't take the time to first help myself. It kind of reminds me of being on a plane when something goes wrong and you need to put on the oxygen mask. In order to do any good for anyone else, you must first put on your own oxygen mask. What good would it do to attempt to help them, but then pass out from lack of oxygen? You'd be of no help at all.

~jan~

Veteran's Day at Fort Clinch 11-11-13

My daughter in law and I decided to go spend the day at Fort Clinch for Veteran's Day. We wanted to get some photos of the boys. My camera hasn't been doing right so I brought mine and she brought hers in the hopes of getting at least a few shots between the two of us.

Anyway, it was quite the adventure. Anytime you get these three together you're in for a wild time. By the time we were done, Jennifer and I thought perhaps the best idea would have been to just hire a photographer to do it. Whew! But it was worth it just to hang out with my little men. They are the joy of my life. And I wouldn't trade them for the world.

Today has been a very good day. My husband and I went to the Folk Festival and we got to hear some pretty amazing singers and musicians. I truly enjoyed it. There's just something about good harmony and exceptional music that makes me smile.

Over the years I've been blessed to sing with some pretty amazing voices. Usually much better voices than my own, but voices that I could blend well with. I love that moment when you hit the harmony part and it just sounds so sweet....it can give me chills when it's just right because you know that this is something special. Well, today I listened to several groups with really amazing harmonies. My ears were in heaven! The blend of their voices had that something special that I want to hear when I'm listening to singers. Alone they were great. Together they were even better. I honestly felt all mushy inside.

Thank you, God for giving me ears to hear that beautiful music. Let me never take it for granted.

Okay, so all that being said, I got to thinking about harmony in another sense. Living in harmony. Being united as brothers and sisters in Christ. So many times I've seen Christians attacking one another and I felt a bit embarrassed by it. I mean, the world outside is looking at how we behave and when we attack one another it's definitely not a good thing. Have you ever heard that saying, "You may be the only Jesus they ever see?" It's true. When we do something the world perceives as bad for a Christian to do, they automatically get this bad taste in their mouth about Jesus. He doesn't deserve the bad rap. We do. But the two are intertwined in their eyes. As I thought about that statement I made earlier, "Alone they were great. Together they were even better," I realized that when we are in unity, working together in living out the gospel and sharing it to a lost and dying world, we can accomplish so much more. The love we are shining through will be witnessed by those around us and make a much bigger impact on them. It will portray a Jesus they would like to know. And shouldn't that be our primary focus?

Last night I went out to eat with my family to celebrate my birthday. Things were going fine until my mother took a bite of chicken and immediately started choking. She was grabbing at her throat and trying to cough. She looked panic stricken. I got up and walked with her into the restroom. She was coughing, but nothing was coming up. I did the heimlich maneuver, but it still didn't come up. My husband came knocking on the bathroom door and I asked him to come in and perform the heimlich maneuver again. He did. Even though we never saw anything pop out, she was able to talk more and was coughing, which helps to dislodge it. It was indeed a scary moment when it happened; one I never want to repeat.

We finally made our way back to the table. I had barely eaten any of my food when the servers came over and began singing a birthday song, complete with gong and clapping. After their performance they said, "Happy Birthday, Jane!" My husband, mother and I started laughing. What made it even funnier was that my husband had told them my name and even spelled it. But this happens to me all the time. I don't know what it is about my name that people find so difficult. My name is JAN. I often wonder...if a man is named Dan and he introduces himself, do people say, "Glad to meet you Dane?" ;-)

Today, my son and daughter in law came to the house to redo my bathroom. It's been a long, exhausting day. But they did a good job and I really appreciate it. I am probably going to have to pop some Ibuprofen if I hope to get any sleep tonight. My body is already feeling it, and I didn't even do all the work they did. I just helped with cleaning out the old tile and such. But any time I do a lot of bending my back hurts. I also have issues with my elbow that was injured years ago, and with my knee. I was glad to finally be done for the night.

It's funny how people call to ask me advice about things that I have just struggled with myself. Oh, I know the proper response, but it's not always because I applied it in my own situation. I suppose I learned from my mistakes. But I have to wonder if  my telling them the right way to respond (when I didn't necessarily respond that way) is a bit hypocritical. I know I'm not perfect. Far from it. But sometimes people have placed me on this pedestal and think I have my act together and that I don't deal with their kind of issues. That's just not the case though. And I've learned over the years that when you place someone on a pedestal it's a long fall when they let you down. It's a lot of responsibility to place on someone's shoulders. Anyway, they continue to seek me out to answer their "spiritual" questions.

Some have jokingly said I missed my calling. I'm not so sure about that. I just think I know how to listen to what people are saying and I think before I speak.There have even been times when I waited a couple of days before I responded. It gave me time to pray and make sure my answer was in line with the word. It kind of depends on what I am being asked. I guess if I'm honest with myself I should see that the times when I react hastily and lose my temper are those times when I'm not listening and I'm not thinking before I speak. Which brings me to another point....self control. That's something I've been thinking a lot about lately. It's something I need to work on in several areas of my life. I think if I can get a handle on that, then a lot of issues would be resolved.

I guess in some ways, when people ask my advice, it helps me as much as it helps them. It's like a light bulb goes on as I'm talking about it. You know what they say, "It's so much easier to see another person's flaws than to see your own." But I've found that, in seeing another person's problem, and listening to their heart, it often times can bring conviction for things I may be struggling with. And other times it's confirmation about things I've been hearing.

I was sitting here thinking about David and his affair with Bathsheba. Surely, he had to know it was wrong. But why did it take Nathan having to tell him some story about a rich man with lots of sheep and cattle taking a lamb from a poor man for him to see that? David was appalled when Nathan told him this story. He wanted the man punished. And then Nathan says to him, "That man is you." Ouch. Nathan presented a problem to David and asked for advice. And David was quick to give it. But once Nathan revealed it was about him and Bathsheba, that revelation brought David to a place of repentance.

I know this isn't a well thought out blog...I'm just talking off the top of my head and not really trying to edit my thoughts. So hopefully someone can read and understand what I'm trying to say here. When I see a person's flaws, it would be easy for me to make judgments. But if I take the time to listen and to truly hear what is in someone's heart, and if I keep my mouth shut until I hear from God, perhaps I will see the mercy that needs to be displayed. It's the same mercy I would desire. And it's the same mercy we've all been shown when Christ died for us.

"For our light and momentary trials are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:17-18

A few days ago I was driving to my son's house when I noticed storm clouds looming overhead. It wasn't raining yet, but I figured it soon would be. Sure enough, as soon as I got to where the clouds were, the rain started pouring down. I was thinking about the blue skies I had previously been under and how it changed so quickly. It's kind of how life is. We can be sailing along smoothly without a care in the world when all of a sudden some trial knocks us upside the head. We didn't expect it and often times, we have no clue how to deal with it. I'm not just talking about dealing with it in the natural. I am referring to how we handle it in a spiritual sense. As believers, we should be prepared for these things. The word tells us that we will face trials. Knowing this, we have to be prepared for how we will respond before we're smack dab in the middle of the trial. That requires spending time meditating the word, and spending time with God in prayer, learning to recognize his voice. These things help to develop a strong relationship with God, and help us to understand what God has to say about the various trials we face. It also helps us to know that we can trust him even if our prayers aren't answered in the way or in the timing we think they should be. It's a lot harder to trust after the fact. Think about it. If you've never had a relationship with someone and then find yourself in a place where you need their help, do you feel confident that they will do what they say? Probably not. Oh, there may be times when you will have to trust someone you're not familiar with, but it's so much easier to trust the ones you know well. And trusting God is much easier when you have an intimate relationship with him. We all go through things in life. And we will most likely have to go through more trying times at some point. Building our faith in the little things helps us to stand firm when faced with bigger things. That reminds me of the story of David and Goliath. In 1 Samuel 17:33-37 it says:

33 Saul replied, “You are not able to go out against this Philistine and fight him; you are only a young man, and he has been a warrior from his youth.”

34 But David said to Saul, “Your servant has been keeping his father’s sheep. When a lion or a bear came and carried off a sheep from the flock, 35 I went after it, struck it and rescued the sheep from its mouth. When it turned on me, I seized it by its hair, struck it and killed it. 36 Your servant has killed both the lion and the bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, because he has defied the armies of the living God. 37 The Lord who rescued me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will rescue me from the hand of this Philistine.”

David knew that God had helped him in smaller things (though I would think those animals were pretty ferocious) and it gave him the confidence that God would be with him in the bigger battle.

At times people have told me, "I don't have the faith you have." As I hear their words, I am reminded of my own questions, doubts and fears. They don't see me as I do. There are times when I really struggle with things. Like why did my cousin die when she had faith for her healing? In those times, I seek answers. And guess what; I may not find them. There are some things in this life that we will never fully understand. But we have to trust that God knows best and that in the end we will see that all of it was working to fulfill his plan. It can be hard, especially if I'm slacking on spending time in the word. It's all about focus. I find that my faith seems strongest when my eyes are fixed on Jesus, not on the problems or cares of life.

In Matthew 14:25-29 we read the story of Peter walking on water.

25 Now in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went to them, walking on the sea. 26 And when the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, “It is a ghost!” And they cried out for fear.

27 But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Be of good cheer! It is I; do not be afraid.”

28 And Peter answered Him and said, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.”

29 So He said, “Come.” And when Peter had come down out of the boat, he walked on the water to go to Jesus. 30 But when he saw that the wind was boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink he cried out, saying, “Lord, save me!”

Peter was fine walking on the water as long as his eyes were focused on Jesus. But the moment he looked at the storm around him, he began to sink. And that's what happens with us. If we can remain focused on God, the trials around us will not cause us to lose heart. Our faith will help us stand.

Last night my husband, grandson and myself went to a benefit for Rion Paige that was being held at The Comedy Club. For those who don't know who she is, she is a singer from Jacksonville who is on the the XFactor. She has been chosen as one of the top 4 girl singers and will be competing in the live auditions, which begin October 29th. She has what some would consider a handicap. But when you see her up there singing, your focus is not on that. She has an amazing voice and a very infectious personality. She also has a heart to help others like herself. I admire that. My grandson, who wasn't real thrilled about missing karate, was fascinated with her the moment she opened her mouth to sing. He quickly became a fan. And he was insistent on meeting her when she went out for a meet and greet. He was excited to get his picture taken with her. If you haven't heard her, check out this video. Even if you aren't a country music lover, I'm sure you can recognize talent when you see it. Or should I say, "when you hear it?"

Do you find it difficult to surrender? Difficult to admit that you don't know all the answers? Difficult to trust someone else to steer your course? I remember when I was trying to teach someone how to do something at work, and because they were not doing it exactly how I would, or going as quickly as I would have liked, I felt like saying, "just let me do it!" I knew I could get the job done more efficiently. Isn't that kind of how we are with God? We want him to do what we want when we want it. We fail to recognize that He knows what is best for us, and it may not always come in the package or timing that we would like it to. So to surrender everything to God and trust him when we don't see the plan working how we'd like can be extremely hard for us. But let me assure you, his plan is always going to be better than anything we could think or imagine. Even if we have giftings that are apparent and think we know where that will lead, we may wind up surprised by how God can turn it into something more than our original plan. His way is ALWAYS going to be better than ours. We have to trust that.

Many times we come before God with our prayers and petitions. We are quick to lay them at his feet, saying that we trust he will answer. But do we really trust him? Do we leave those things there? Or are we quick to pick it up and make attempts to fix it ourselves? Oh, there may be times that we have to do things, but I'm referring to a heart issue. Are we fully reliant on God to accomplish the task? Do we walk in faith, even as we walk through the trials? Or do we mumble and complain and speak negatively? Do we run tell it to all of our friends, hoping to find a little sympathy? I'm preaching this to myself as well as to others. We have to surrender it all. Our problems, our lack of faith, our tendency to want to complain, our fears. And guess what. We even have to surrender our dreams and all that they entail. Now I know that some may think that is impossible. But it's not. And you have to do it every day. Sometimes moment to moment. When you find yourself wanting to take over, stop and pray. Pray for God to help you to trust him. Pray for him to guide your steps. Pray for him to help you control your tongue. The power of life and death are in the tongue...be careful the words you speak. Seek his will only. And trust no matter how things look.

The other day I was riding home from picking up my grandsons. They were spending the night with me. A conversation with my youngest grandson went like this:

Bryce: You're weaving.
Me: Does your dad say that to your mommy? (I assumed he had heard that somewhere)
Bryce: No, my papa does.
Me: Oh, that figures.
Bryce: You're weaving again.

A funny little conversation, but as I thought about it I was reminded of something very important. Bryce thought I was weaving because of a slight curve in the road. And he was quick to tell me so. But how many times have we watched as friends began to weave? Slight changes in their behavior that strike us as odd should be warning signals that perhaps they are veering off course. Whether a person is a believer or not, this could be a significant moment where we may look back and think, "I knew they were headed in that direction." Maybe it's drugs or alcohol abuse. Whatever the problem, addressing it early on is best.

For the believer, when we see someone caught in a sin, Galatians 6:1 instructs us to gently restore them. We're also told to be careful when doing so. It's so easy to get caught up in something, even if we think we're immune to it. Maybe I should say, "especially if we think we're immune to it." Perhaps you may think that, because you have some issue in your own life that you shouldn't say anything. I mean, wouldn't that be like the "pot calling the kettle black?" Matthew does tell us to remove the speck in our own eye first, doesn't it? And we all know that the minute we attempt to point out something in another person's life, we are setting ourselves up for that "judge not lest ye be judged" speech. So what do we do? Well, first deal with anything you need to deal with. But don't let some little thing in your life put the brakes on helping another person steer clear of trouble. Depending on what it is we're talking about, you may need to say something early on because it's dangerous to the person's well being. And out of a genuine concern for their welfare it should be our aim to attempt to keep our friends and family from harm. Don't allow a fear of how they will respond prevent you from trying to help your friend. A real friend speaks the truth in love. And that is the key....love. We aren't seeking to come across as holier than thou. We aren't trying to make judgments. And that has to come across loud and clear.

Today I was thinking about what it means to be happy. To my grandsons happiness might mean getting some new game or some Legos. Already my youngest grandson is waiting for Christmas so he can get "just one more set" of Legos. He's crazy about them. But once the new wears off he's ready for something else. When we base our happiness on some "new" thing in our lives, we can rest assured that once the newness wears off, we will need another fix to take its place. This would imply that happiness is fleeting. But is it? Can we have happiness regardless of what's going on in our lives? Does happiness require some new thing, some new stimulation?

Happiness is defined as a mental or emotional state of well being characterized by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment or pure joy. It can also be a sense of satisfaction or fulfillment.

Over the years I have discovered that the times when I was the most happy were the times when I was least focused on me and my circumstances. That's not to say that I didn't still have to handle situations that arose, but I didn't fall prey to that negative force that tries to pull me down when bad things happen. I maintained a state of hope. When trials come (and they will come) I have to have previously determined in my heart that no matter what happens, all things work together for my good. I may not see it in the here and now, but I can believe it. My cousin, Marie went through a long ordeal with lupus, and then cancer. Throughout her battle she always reminded herself that something good would come from it. She would tell me, "if even one person's life is touched by what I am going through, it will all be worth it." I was amazed by her positive attitude. Even if the worst thing happened (her death....which did happen in January 2010), she knew that she had a hope for the future. In all my life I don't think I've ever seen a happier person. She didn't let the stresses of life steal her joy. And that was key.

Worry can steal your peace and ultimately, your joy. This can have us thinking that if the thing that we're worrying about was taken care of, we'd be happy. But chances are, even if we get that one thing handled, it may not make us happy. Something else will always come along to take its place. And there we go, falling right back into a depression, and a state of unhappiness. So the question is, how can we maintain happiness no matter the circumstances? First and foremost, spending time with God is essential. When we draw close to Him, when we study and meditate the word, when we pray, and when we live out his word, our faith and trust in him will grow. We will know what he has to say about our trials and it will help to alleviate any fears we may have about what we are going through. Philippians 4:6-8 says this:

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding,will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Let's examine that for a minute. This is telling us not to be anxious about anything. When we have needs, we can present them to God with thanksgiving, knowing that he will take care of it. Oh, it may not be exactly how we plan, but we can place our trust in him to see us through whatever comes our way. It also says that by presenting our prayers and requests with thanksgiving we will have a peace that surpasses all understanding. People won't know how we can be at peace when our circumstances are so chaotic. Sure, the enemy will try to come in and fill your mind with all kinds of junk to make you go back to worrying. But substitute those thoughts with the kind of thoughts this verse tells you: things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy. When you're thinking like that it will be much easier to maintain happiness. 

Another thing that I have found that makes me happy is when I am doing something for someone else. There are so many people in this world who have needs and hurts far greater than my own. When I take my eyes off of what I'm going through, and what I'm feeling, and focus on someone else's need, it lets me see things in a different light. Perspective is a very powerful thing. If we think we have a horrible life, then that is what we will have. It is essential for us to recognize that our thinking is pivotal in the determination of our happiness. Have you ever experienced something with another person and had different ways of remembering it? I have. And because we thought differently about it, we responded differently. The mind truly is a battlefield. We have to arm ourselves with the word of God to fight against things that aren't lining up with God's perspective. Wrong perspectives can steal our joy.

All that being said, we can say that spending time with God, not worrying about our circumstances or what may or may not happen in the future, and changing how we view things are ways we can live happier lives. 

There's a lot more to be said on this subject and I would love to touch on this again at some point. But for now, I will close....

~jan~

Thought for the Day-Integrity

Proverbs 2:6-8 
For the LORD gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding; he stores up sound wisdom for the upright; he is a shield to those who walk in integrity, guarding the paths of justice and watching over the way of his saints.

Psalm 26:1-3 
Vindicate me, O Lord, for I have walked in my integrity, and I have trusted in the LORD without wavering. Prove me, O Lord, and try me; test my heart and my mind. For your steadfast love is before my eyes, and I walk in your faithfulness.


Proverbs 10:9 
Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out.


Psalm 101:2
I will be careful to live a blameless life— when will you come to help me? 
I will lead a life of integrity in my own home. (NLT)

Proverbs 2:6-8
For the Lord grants wisdom! From his mouth come knowledge and understanding. He grants a treasure of common sense to the honest. He is a shield to those who walk with integrity. He guards the paths of the just 
and protects those who are faithful to him. (NLT)

Proverbs 20:7
The godly walk with integrity; blessed are their children who follow them. (NLT)

Titus 2:7-8 
Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us. (NIV)

Proverbs 19:1 
Better is the poor who walks in integrity than one who is perverse in his lips, and is a fool. 

Okay, second post for today. I was looking at the name of my blog and got to thinking that I probably should include some day to day routine life things, not just stuff about God and the Bible (though that is a big part of my life). Anyway, as I was reading a comment on one of my posts yesterday I got to laughing so hard (and I was out in public when I read it). Now, there's nothing wrong with laughing. I love to laugh. But when I get to laughing too hard I have been known to have my knees buckle. And yesterday, I was seriously hoping I didn't fall out in the floor laughing. It was to the point of being uncontrollable. And what made it even funnier was the fact that my daughter in law, Jennifer had read the comment at about the same time I did and she was laughing about it too. I found that hilarious. My eyes were watering, my knees were shaky, and I just had to go sit down. And then when I commented back it made me laugh even more. Have you ever thought your own comment was funny? The thing is, it probably wasn't that humorous to other people. But, as I've said in the past, I have a weird sense of humor. My son has it too. So for those who don't know me well...I laugh at odd things. Doesn't have to be funny to anyone else. It's just who I am. But maybe, just maybe, I'm not the only oddball out there who finds humor in the most unlikely places.

If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land. 2 Chronicles 7:14


While I realize that this verse wasn't specifically written for all that is going on in this day and age, I think that the same principle applies for the here and now as it did back when this was written. And today, of all days (9-11) is a day when this sentiment is expressed even more than usual.

Often times, Christians are so eager to point out all the sinners in the world who need to repent. We rant and rave about what is going on in this world as a result of their sin, their wickedness. But think about this verse for a moment and we might have a clue as to how we should be viewing things. First, this verse is referring to God's people, not unbelievers. And what is it telling us to do? 

1. Humble ourselves
2. Pray and seek God's face
3. Turn from our wicked ways

Okay, so let's reflect on that for a minute. Some of you may be thinking, "What do you mean we have to turn from our wicked ways? We're Christians. Jesus' blood has cleansed us from our sin." This thinking is exactly why we need to do these things. What do I mean? If for even one moment we thought that because of Jesus' blood that we had no need to repent, no need to turn from our wicked ways (and let's be honest, we still have some of that in us at times), that could certainly be an indication that we may be walking in pride( sin). And as we all know, pride will definitely create distance between us and God, as he opposes the proud. In order for us to get to a place of understanding that WE need to repent, we must humble ourselves first. We must be willing to admit that we are not perfect. Far from it, in fact. We mess up. We miss the mark. We SIN. That humility should bring us to our knees. And it is there that we seek the face of God. This is not a time for us to be petitioning God for our wants and desires. This is a time of seeking God's will, developing intimacy with God, loving on God, worshiping him, and drawing close to him, not merely because we want something from him. Have you ever heard the expression, "I'm seeking God's face, not his hand?" What does that mean? To me it means that when we seek his face we are wanting to behold his beauty. We are wanting to gaze upon him, to reflect on who he is.Once we see Him as he is, we can't help but want to do whatever he says to do. But when we seek his hand, we are wanting him to do something for us.Don't get me wrong, there are times when we will ask God to move on our behalf, but that can't be the only time we call upon God. Otherwise, we become like selfish children.

Here's a question for you: How many times have you come into some worship service and poured out all you had in song, attempting to touch the heart of God so that he would meet your need?

Now think....how many times have you come to a worship service and poured out your heart before God, expecting nothing from him, but merely wanting to express your love, your gratitude and appreciation for who he is, and for what he's done for you? Be honest with yourself.

I realize that we are under grace. And I recognize the fact that Jesus was the one time sacrifice for us. The shedding of his blood provided atonement for our sins. For the sins of the past, the sins of the present, and the sins of the future. But this doesn't mean that we shouldn't be repentant when we sin. It should break our heart. And if we continually sin without repentance, the relationship will be strained. How could it not be?

Have you ever wanted to write something, but your brain just seemed all out of whack? Maybe you call that writer's block. Whatever...all I know is I hate when I have nothing to share. If I go too many days without writing it's easy to get out of the habit. Speaking of habits, I was telling my hubby this morning that I am addicted to coke and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. Well, today I did have one coke. I've tried hard for several months to stick mainly to water as my beverage of choice. If for no other reason, to keep my sugar from shooting up. But I made a decision that I cannot buy things that will tempt me. If it's in the house, then I'm going to indulge. And sadly, I can't seem to stop at one with the Reese's. I can stop at one on cokes though. It wasn't always that way. I used to drink at least a 2 liter a day. But lately I've been trying to get in shape, trying to keep my sugar under control, and trying hard to not let anything control me. Once this last coke is gone, I'm thinking I won't buy anymore (except on special occasions when other people are over). I need to lose 35 lbs. and having coke and candy too often will deter that. Okay, I started rambling again. All this was supposed to be was a note telling you I haven't forgotten the blog. I think after I read and study more, I'll feel more inclined to share something. You know...motivation...inspiration. I need some.

Have a blessed day!

~jan~

Life is a series of twists and turns. We never know exactly where the road will lead us. Oh, after a few curves here and there we may have a vague idea of what might be next. But we can never be certain until we are living in the moment. The thing is, we need to prepare in advance for whatever life may throw at us. A person doesn't wait until they are in the middle of a hurricane to go out and buy supplies, board up windows, put away anything in the yard that might be hurled into the air, etc. They have a warning that a hurricane is on the way and that is the time to go do what needs to be done. And it's the same way with our spiritual lives. We already know that trials will come. The Bible is filled with instruction on how to fight against temptation, how to respond in the situations we might face and such. It is our job to get into the Word and study and meditate. This way, we won't have some knee jerk reaction, but we'll know what God's Word says to do. I guarantee it will make life much easier if we come to know what God thinks about things.

God's Love Never Fails

Your Love Never Fails

As I was listening to this song I was reminded that no matter what happens in this life, God's love never fails. It endures forever. We cannot escape His love. We cannot mess up so much that we lose His love. His love is there even in the midst of our most trying storm. And He's bridged the gap between Him and us by sending His precious son, Jesus to die on a cross for us. If that isn't love, then I don't know what is. I mean, we were God's enemies and still Jesus chose to go to the cross. For us...ENEMIES OF GOD. Do you realize how unheard of that is? Romans 5:7-8 tells us:

"Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

Isn't that an incredible example of unconditional love? He didn't wait for us to clean up our act. He certainly didn't think that we would ever be perfect in our own strength. And this is probably the most amazing thing to me. For a lot of years I felt that God could never love me because of my imperfections. Even now I still mess up. And I feel so bad about it. Well, the enemy immediately tries to play on that guilt feeling. And then I get this gentle reminder that, no matter how many times I mess up, Jesus' blood was enough. My sins have been forgiven. Past, present and future. And I marvel at the fact that Jesus totally understands whatever I am going through, and has made provision for me to come boldly to the throne of grace. Hebrews 4:15-16 says:

"For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

I don't know about you, but I am pleased to know that nothing I did or can do saved me, and nothing I can do can separate me from His love.